DragonBall Z Uncut
Episode 3
By Leigh Couchman

Exactly the same intro. Big, loud, stupid, colorful. The rude and uncensored bits include more frivolous activity between 18 and Trunks.

Break Dancing Goku

The episode actually begins with action!! (What?! Is this possible?!!) Goku and Vegeta are both at Super Saiya-Jin 2 and are pounding the sh@t out of each other. After some fireworks and lightshows, they pause, panting in grim determination at each other.
Goku: Arr, errr, errrrrr.
Vegeta: Grrrrrr!
Yamcha: Woah! Is everybody alright? (Pause) Woah!
Tien: (Slaps the side of his head) F@ckwit.
Trunks: (Rising from behind a rock with mussed hair and badly dressed.) Fine, just fine.
18: (Rising from behind the same rock) Fine!
Trunks: Fine, just fine.
Everybody glares at them.
Chi Chi: You didn't!
Trunks: I've decided that I don't hate her anymore, I love you 18.
18: And I've decided not to kill everyone, I love you Trunks. (They embrace)
All: Awwwwwwww…
Krillin: (Regaining consciousness) Wow, what happened?
Trunks: I bonked your wife.
Krillin: (Double take) Whhhhaaaa?!!
18: It's okay Krillin, consider us in an open marriage. You can continue your relationship with the turtle.
Krillin: (Pause) Sweeeettt.
Piccolo: And Bulma and I have decided to get married!
The Rest: Huzzah!
Tien: And Yamcha, Chiatsu and I are starting a band!
The Rest: Woop woop woop!
Master Roshi: I'm entering a retirement home!
The Rest: For he's a jolly good fellow…
Cell: Frieza and I are joining Green peace!
The Rest: Three cheers for the shop keep!
Circus Midget: Ahh…help…me…ahhhh.
Frieza kills him.
The Rest: Hoooooooorraaayyyyyyyy!!!
Chi Chi: And I'm selling Gohan into a Nike sweatshop!
Gohan: What?!!
The Rest: A toast to bread! Without which there would be no toast!!
Chi Chi: Juuuuusst kidding.
All: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
All are silenced by a ginormously huge explosion.
Vegeta: Pay attention! (Turns to Goku) Let's finish this Kakarot!
Goku: Let's do it.
They fly at each other and face off in mid air, throwing and blocking punches at an incredible speed. They then separate, shoot some balls of light at each other, then both get hit and blown into clusters of rocks. After a minute or so with the dust rising they fly out of the rocks and do their special moves; Goku does the Ka-Mae-Ha-Mae-Ha, and Vegeta does a lot of shouting and grunting, which seems to work pretty well for him. These scenes are played over a continuous loop for about five times. By the fourth time almost every…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
They stop, and stare at each other for the customary five minutes, then resume fighting.
Gohan: Daaaadddd!!
Chi Chi: Gokkkkuuuuuu!!
Piccolo: Don't give up Goku.
Trunks: C'arn Goku!
Yamcha, Tien and Chiatsu: Goku! Goku! He's our hair stylist!
Master Roshi: Goku must do it.
Krillin: Please win buddy.
Bulma: I've always loved you Goku.
18, Cell and Frieza: (Half-heartedly) Woo. Yeah. Woohoo. Go for it. Yeah.
Vegeta floors Goku, proving that crowd support is overrated. After another two minutes of fighting, it is evident that Goku is losing. He looks very battered; ripped clothes, dried blood, the whole shebang.
Goku: Argh, how did you get so strong?
Vegeta: Steroids. And powerade, of course.
Goku: Of course.
Vegeta: Giving up already Kakarot? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. I love evil laughing.
Goku: (Suddenly charged) Noo! I've still got one more trick up my sleeve.
Vegeta: (Bewildered) Impossible!
Goku: (Standing with a smug smile on his face.) No. (Smile widens. Goku begins break dancing.)
Vegeta: What are you doing? Stop it! Noooooooooo!!
Goku continues to headspin faster and faster until he is shrouded by a whirlwind. After a couple of minutes this dies down and the clouds disappear, revealing Goku as a Super Saiya-Jin 16. His hair is as big as a bottlebrush hedge and shaped the same way, except for two braided pieces of hair coming down his forehead as a fringe.
Vegeta: Oh…sh@t. I'm f@cked. (Pause) Look Kakarot, I'm sorry, I've been a bad boy, but I've learnt my lesson and…
Goku: (Interrupting) Yes, you have been a bad boy (He grabs Vegeta and begins spanking him for a couple of minutes). Now that you have been chastised properly, I release you.
Vegeta: (Rubbing his ass. Bitterly) Thank you.
Trunks: Holy bejeebers!! You have more hair than the entire nation of Kazakhstan!!
Goku: (Proudly) I sure do.
Everybody hugs Goku and begins singing "Give Peace a Chance", except Cell and Frieze, whom Goku mercilessly slays.
Narrator: And once again, predictably, Goku has saved the Earth. Everybody is happy, except for Vegeta, who has a sore ass. But will there be other more challenging and evil intentioned fighters to come? Or will Goku ease into a life of homely comforts and Saturday night manga? Find out on the next boredom inducing episode of DragonBall Z Uncut!

By Leigh Couchman